


Caught Up in a Dream

by peachaura



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Banter, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mentions of Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-10-14 03:45:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10528269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachaura/pseuds/peachaura
Summary: Dan is Phil’s best friend, and he has been for the better half of the year. The only problem is that Dan doesn’t exist, not really. Dan is just a person who appears in Phil’s dreams; someone who’s made up. At least, that’s what Phil believes.





	1. Chapter 1

Phil’s mind had been very jumbled lately. In the past week he had been surged with thousands of thoughts. Granted, these thoughts only orbited around one thing, or rather, one person: Dan Howell. More specifically, the day he met Dan. The day was still clear in his mind as if it had happened yesterday, the day he met the boy with those chocolate brown eyes with hair to match. _Met_. A strange word to use considering the fact that Phil didn’t _meet_  Dan, not really. He more-or-less created him- made him up, per se.

Dan was just a figment of Phil’s imagination, but Phil couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if Dan _was_  real. Dan Howell, his best friend, would exist, that’s what would happen. And damn, the things he would give just to make that statement true.

Dan seemed real enough: he acted real, sounded real, looked real, even felt real at times. The only thing that was convincing Phil that he wasn’t real was the fact that Phil only ever saw Dan in his dreams. If Dan existed outside of Phil’s dreams, there would be nothing else to keep him from believing Dan wasn’t real. But unfortunately for Phil, he only ever saw the sweet boy when he closed his eyes.

Sweet was an odd way to define Dan. He wasn’t always the kind and loving (and a bit sarcastic… okay, a lot sarcastic) boy Phil had grown to know today. In fact, Dan used to _hate_  him, always mumbling about some revenge plan he needed to execute. Phil never used to understand the boy, he thought he was crazy. But as the nights passed, Dan started becoming less hostile towards Phil and slowly warmed up to him. However, this did _not_  happen fast… and now that Phil thinks about it, it took the better half of six months for Dan to finally warm up to him. Though even now, after nearly a year, Dan still didn’t seem fully comfortable with Phil, though he had gotten a thousand times more tolerable.

Phil wasn’t sure why it mattered so much to him. Dan wasn’t real, not fully. Though, that depends on how you define real. He was real to Phil, so it made since it would matter to him. But no one else knew Dan was real, therefore that should make him nonexistent. Phil supposed it was how you looked at it. To Phil, Dan was the realest thing on this planet- his best friend, but to everyone else, there was no such person named Dan Howell.

Phil sighed, wondering how the hell his mind ever came up with Dan. It shouldn’t have been possible considering his mind was confusing itself enough as it was. Not to mention how damn gorgeous Dan was, Phil’s mind should’ve been incapable of creating such beauty. Regardless, Dan made Phil happy and that was good enough for him. Real or not, Dan was his best and first friend he had ever made.

Phil groaned, flopping himself down onto his bed. The sun had set only about an hour ago and he was already wishing and waiting for sleep to claim him. Ever since he met Dan, he was so much more eager to go to sleep at an earlier time. In the past, he’d go to sleep in the early hours of the morning, but as of late, he had found himself falling asleep just a bit too early. He sometimes even found himself asleep before his own mother, which did raise a few questions from her at the time. Phil remembers her demanding to know what had gotten into him and if he was feeling alright. He did find it funny, she was concerned because he _was_  getting sleep, not because he wasn’t. Eventually she stopped questioning him and said that she was just happy he had good sleeping habits again… as if he ever did in the first place.

Phil let out a silent chuckle at the memory before reaching over to turn his bedside lamp off. He laid down in his bed, fluffing out his duvet and draping it over himself. Then he tucked himself deep beneath the covers to achieve maximum comfort. Phil smiled to himself, excited to see Dan again. He saw him every night, with his soft smile and bright eyes. Everything about Dan brought a certain warmth to Phil’s chest that he loved more than he would like to admit. Phil didn’t understand where the warm and soft feeling came from, but it made him happy- Dan made him happy.

With that thought in mind, Phil breathed out a content sigh before closing his eyes and falling into a comfortable sleep.

_“Wakey-wakey,” Phil vaguely heard Dan say, “actually, I suppose sleepy-sleepy would be more accurate.”_

_“What are you on about?” Phil grumbled, he was always a bit disoriented when he gained consciousness within his dreams._

_“What I’m saying is, why should I say_ ‘wakey-wakey’ _? The last thing I want you to do is wake up… because y’know you’re technically dreaming, therefore asleep, and I need you to stay asleep if I want to talk to you. But that’s besides the point, the point is- wouldn’t it make more sense if I said_ ‘sleepy-sleepy’ _?” Dan tried to explain, rather badly according to Phil._

_“I guess,” Phil mumbled, not sure what else to say._

_“What’s got you so talkative anyway?” Phil questioned. Dan normally talked a lot, but he was never one to start conversations so quickly._

_Dan shrugged, “I suppose it’s because today marks the day we first met.”_

_“What, like our one year anniversary?” Phil asked._

_Dan scoffed, “you make it sound like we’re in a relationship or something.”_

_“Oh? I was under the impression we were,” Phil smirked, trying his best not laugh._

_Dan rolled his eyes, “of course we are, Philly, I didn’t mean for you to doubt yourself,” Dan played along._

_Dan’s face was so serious that Phil couldn’t help but burst out into laughter, Dan quickly following suit. The idea was too ridiculous not to laugh. Him and Dan? In a relationship? The thought was almost too stupid to be considered funny._

_“Why don’t you–come and give me–a kiss?” Phil tried to ask, his heavy laughter breaking up his sentence._

_Dan composed himself a bit and answered, “you only get a kiss if you come and catch me first,” his statement only pushed Phil into another fit of laughter, tears falling from his eyes from the lack of breaths he was taking._

_Dan chuckled, “God, you’re so childish.”_

_Phil managed to control himself enough to answer, “you’re the one who played along.”_

_“Only because you started it.”_

_Phil waved his hand dismissively, “excuses, excuses.”_

_“Whatever,” Dan muttered._

_There was a pause in the conversation- and Phil’s laughing- before Phil spoke up,“but seriously, a whole year?” Phil asked. He wondered if that was the reason he had been thinking about Dan so much lately._

_“Yeah, it’s crazy, right?” Dan asked, though the question was rhetorical._

_“Time flies.” Phil mumbled, he couldn’t believe an entire year had passed since he had met Dan, the thought seemed too crazy to be true, but it was true._

_Dan nodded in agreement, heaving a sigh as he sat down on the floor._

_It wasn’t so much a floor as it was a platform. The place they were in never changed. They were on a large yet simple glass platform that floated in the sky; surrounded by the dark of the night. But it never really seemed dark because the moon shone brightly above and the sky was filled with stars. It was like someone spilt a bottle of glitter, but the spill was too beautiful to clean up. Phil loved everything about the place; he often wondered how the place came to be._

_He remembered back when Dan didn’t talk too much to him, Phil would just sit at the edge of the glass- feet dangling over the side- and admire the view. He did this for quite a few months, really. He only stopped when Dan started making proper conversation with him._

_He remembered once when Dan was being particularly annoying, Phil thought it would be a good idea to push him off the edge of the platform. Partly because he was curious as to what would happen, but mostly because Dan was being an annoying twat. Much to Phil’s dismay, Dan ended up right back on the platform, almost as if he teleported back there. Dan hadn’t talked to him for nearly a week after that, which Phil was very grateful for at the time. Now he wasn’t sure what he would do if Dan ignored him for so long._

_“What’s got you so deep in thought?” Dan asked, breaking Phil from his thoughts._

_“Mm, nothing. Just thinking of that time I pushed you off the platform.” Phil said simply, almost as if he was_ trying _to provoke Dan._

_“You sound so proud of yourself.” Dan scoffed._

_“I was at the time.”_

_“Yeah, well, it was rude.” Dan grumbled._

_Phil rolled his eyes, “it’s not like it hurt you,” he paused, “and I ended up getting what I wanted, anyway.”_

_“And what would that be?”_

_“For you to ignore me.”_

_“I bet if I ignored you now you wouldn’t like it so much, would you?” Dan said smartly._

_Phil didn’t even try to deny it._

_After that, there was a comfortable silence that fell over them, only to be broken about a half hour later by Dan._

_“The sun’s about to rise,” Dan mumbled softly._

_“Yeah,” Phil agreed._

_“You have school,” Dan said._

_Phil nodded._

_“You need to wake up.”_

_“Yeah,” he said again, but made no move to get up._

_“Phil,” Dan stated firmly._

_“Yeah, okay, I’m getting up.”_

_“It’s not like you won’t see me tomorrow,” Dan grumbled._

_Phil looked up at him, “sounds like you can’t_ wait _to see me again,” Phil said sarcastically._

_“I can’t,” Dan said honestly, “now get up before I kick you off this platform.”_

_Phil sighed, but got to his feet, “Happy Anniversary, Dan,” Phil mocked sarcastically, yet he laughed anyway._

_And he heard Dan laugh as well before the dream around him faded and he found himself once again awake in his own bed._


	2. Chapter 2

Phil didn't hate school like most kids his age. He actually rather enjoyed everything about it; he didn't even mind getting up so early in the morning, well, not _anymore._ He used to despise waking up in the mornings, but that was mostly cause he never went to sleep in the first place. But ever since Dan started showing up in his dreams he had been getting a lot of sleep. It was weird to say the least, going to sleep only to talk _all night_ yet by morning he felt perfectly rested, he wasn't sure how it all worked. If anything, one would think he'd feel like he didn't get any sleep at all.

Sleep wasn't the point though, the point was that Phil liked school. He liked learning, he liked his teachers, but above all, he liked all the drama that went on. He loved how people can take the simplest of problems that should take seconds to fix and blow them up to seem like it's the most important thing in the world. It fascinated him. He always wondered why people did it though. Was it to distract themselves from the _actual_ important things happening in the world? Or perhaps it was because they found it just as fascinating as Phil did. Whatever their reasons, Phil didn't care, he was just happy that people caused such drama.

Don't get him wrong though. He may _love_ watching people be put in the spotlight and become absolutely butchered by the school, but he didn't love being put in the spotlight himself. He hated attention and he tried his best to stay away from the people who commonly started rumors. Well, Phil stayed away from everyone, really.

He didn't have any friends at school. He didn't even have the occasional person to say ‘hi’ to in the hallway. Phil wasn't sure why he was coming to this realization _now._ It's not like it was anything new. He always knew he didn't have any friends, he never thought them necessary. But for some reason the thought was suddenly bothering him.

Then it hit him. Here he was, sat in the back of the classroom, surrounded by his classmates that he had come to know quite well. He knew everyone. He knew Lyla, the girl who was so loud and outgoing that it was a miracle no one went crazy while in the same room with her. He knew Jack, the school bully that thought he was so cool, when in actuality he was just a total prick. He knew Maria, the artist that always thought she wasn’t good enough, but really her art was something that should’ve been shown to the world. He knew Michael, the star athlete of the school who was honestly one of the nicest people. The list goes on, but you get the point. Phil knew everyone. He knew their names, their social status, their looks and personalities, he knew everything about everyone. The only problem was that nobody knew him.

Phil was the social outcast of the school, and everyone knew it. He wasn’t bullied, he was just never talked to. Not one person took the time to know him. But that was just it, if people wanted friends at this school then they had to make an effort and speak up. Phil, however, never spoke up. He stayed quiet and he stayed by himself; that's just the way it was. And it never bothered him before, he never cared to have friends, but recently he's felt alone and ignored.

He blamed Dan for it. Dan taught him what it was like to have a friend, he taught him what it was like to feel needed- and it felt nice. Phil loved having Dan around: he loved hearing him laugh, he loved his lame jokes, he loved his ongoing and highly philosophical rants, and he overall just loved having him around. But because he got so used to having Dan around, he started realizing that this is what normal people have. Not that Phil ever really classified himself as _normal_ , but he still felt wrong not having friends.

Later that night, Phil decided to address his concerns to Dan. He says address, but really, he was flat out ranting.

_“I need friends, Dan,” Phil groaned._

_“You have me,” Dan said._

  _"But you don't count, you're not real-”_

 " _-rude,” Dan scoffed, cutting Phil off._

_Phil rolled his eyes and kept talking, “you know what I mean. But that's besides the point. The point is that I don't know anyone, Dan. Not one person. There are only two people I have ever talked to in the last few years of my life. Y’know who those two people are, Dan?”_

_“Nope.”_

_“It was a rhetorical question,” Phil grumbled, “but to give you a hint, it's you and my mom.”_

_“That's not a hint, that's just the answer,” Dan stated._

_“Dan, just shush. You rant to me all the time, it's my turn to rant to you.”_

_“Alright, fine. I'll stop interrupting.”_

_“Good,” Phil said._

_There was a long pause in their conversation, “...well?” Dan asked, “you gonna talk?”_

_Phil let out a exasperated sigh, “I don't know, I'm not sure what to say anymore.”_

_Dan chuckled, “you're hopeless.”_

_“I know,” Phil smiled, “Hey, Dan?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Wouldn't it be amazing if you were real? Like_ really _real.”_

_Dan shrugged, “I don't know, I've never really thought about it.”_

_“I think it would be the best thing ever,” Phil muttered, “could you imagine, though? I think I'd be the happiest person alive if you existed.”_  

_Dan looked up at that, “you would?”_

_Phil thought for a moment, “yeah, I think I would.”_

When Phil woke up that morning, he had a weird feeling as if something was going to happen. Nothing bad necessarily, but something _different-_ life changing possibly. But he shook it off and didn't think much of it; after all, it was only a feeling.

He got up off his bed and did his morning routine: brushing his teeth, getting dressed, eating breakfast. _Morning_ things. They were simple enough, but all the while he couldn't shake that weird feeling. He just didn't feel right.

When he arrived at school, the feeling was still there, but he still ignored it, just like he had been since he woke up.

As Phil was walking through the halls, he kept his head downcast as to not attract attention to himself. Which was a stupid idea because he suddenly ran into someone and they fell over- straight onto their butt. Phil mentally cringed and started rushing out apologizes while trying to collect the person’s books that they dropped when they fell.

“Oh my god, I'm so sorry, are you-”

Phil suddenly stopped his onslaught of apologies when he saw who he had run into.

"Dan?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for all the kudos, comments, bookmarks, and literally everything else,, this fic is getting a lot more attention than I thought it would and for that I am forever grateful :)

Phil was confused and shocked, and maybe a bit startled as well. He had just met his best and supposed to be imaginary friend at his school. He had the right to be surprised. But it wasn't the fact that he met him that had him so shocked and confused, it was the fact that Dan had no idea who he was.

The encounter had gone like this:

“Dan?” Phil asked, his eyes going wide and hands going limp which caused him to drop the books that he had been trying to pick up.

Dan gave Phil a puzzled smile, “yes?” He muttered while picking up the books Phil dropped (even though Dan was the one who dropped them in the first place).

Phil simply stared at Dan with the most dumbfounded look and didn't make any attempt to talk, so Dan decided to speak up again.

“How do you know my name?” He asked hesitantly.

Dan’s question caused Phil to break out of his train of thought and he tilted his head in confusion, “what do you mean? You’re my best friend,” he stated almost sadly.

Dan shook his head, “I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone else.”

Phil wanted to agree with him, he did, but he couldn't let it slide, it was too much of a coincidence that he was here. Especially since just last night he had told Dan how happy he would be if he existed.

“No,” Phil said firmly, his voice full of disbelief, “there's no way you're not _my_ Dan.”

Something in Dan’s eyes had flashed with deep emotion at the statement, but it left as soon as it was there; it made Phil wonder if he was just imagining it. It was so quick and sudden that it was entirely possible it never happened.

“I don't know you,” Dan said, “I'm sorry if you think otherwise,” and he walked off.

Phil felt something tug at his heartstrings when Dan said that. His best friend had just said he didn't know him, and yeah, it's entirely possible he truly _didn't_ know him, but it still hurt when he said it. There were many logical explanations for what just happened, for example: maybe Phil had briefly met Dan years ago and somehow made an incredibly accurate image of him in his head, and now he's meeting him again in real life. It's a perfectly plausible explanation, yet it didn't sit right with him. He felt a mild sense of dread and unease when he thought about it.

He sighed, so long as he saw Dan again in his dreams, he didn't need an explanation.

At least, that's what he had been telling himself all day to make him feel more at ease. It hadn't helped so far. He was sitting in his last class of the day (he ended up having quite a few classes with Dan, but he ignored him as much as he could) and his stomach was churning in distress and mild hunger. Distress because of the situation with Dan, and hunger because he hadn't really eaten much all day in fear of puking it up.

Phil just wanted to go home and fall asleep. He wasn't feeling well and he really wanted to see Dan. _His_ Dan, not the one at school who was a perfect spitting image of the one in his dreams. He needed reassurance that his Dan still existed and that this is just one big nightmare that he'll wake up from, but he knew it wasn't. If he were dreaming, his dreams would be of Dan, not some hell like the one he was currently in.

Phil glanced up at the clock on the wall and noticed that there was still ten minutes of class left. He couldn’t help but let an audible groan leave his lips while he slammed his head down onto his desk.

“Are you alright?”

Phil’s head snapped up and his heart rate increased at the sound of Dan’s voice. That is until he realized that Dan was the last person he wanted to see right now, yet at the same time the only person he wished to see. The whole thing was very confusing.

Phil scoffed, “why should you care?” Phil didn’t want to look at Dan, not because he didn’t want to see him, but because he was afraid he may look like a kicked puppy or something. Dan was always someone who would brush off insults and rude gestures as if they were nothing, but Phil had to remind himself that this wasn’t the same Dan. And regardless of which Dan it was, it broke Phil’s heart to see him upset.

“Because I’m- and I quote ‘your best friend’, or did I hear you wrong?” Dan asked, his tone teasing and so much like the Dan he knew.

Phil cracked a small smile, but he didn’t break his hostile demeanor, “and I remember you saying- and I quote ‘I don’t know you’, or did I hear _you_ wrong?” Phil spat, yet he couldn’t help the sad tone that merged its way into his voice.

“Yeah, okay, I deserved that,” Dan said, his tone indifferent. Phil risked a look up at Dan, which he regretted almost immediately. The way Dan looked did _not_ match the way he sounded. He looked upset, wistful almost.

Phil wasn’t normally a rude person, in fact, he thought himself rather nice. So seeing Dan the way he was made Phil feel rather regretful and rather worried. Dan (this Dan anyway) was a stranger, a perfectly kind stranger at that. Phil had no right to be mean to Dan, and though he perfectly resembled Phil’s best friend didn’t mean he _was_ his best friend. And though the resemblance was certainly something difficult to overlook, Phil had to at least try to pretend he was a different person- because frankly, he was. It didn’t mean he had to be Dan’s friend, it just meant he had to be nicer to him.

“No, you didn’t. I was just being a complete jerk,” Phil mumbled, the regret clearly showing on his face, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, no harm done,” Dan smiled, “but seriously though, are you alright, you seem a bit…

agitated.”

Phil let out a bitter laugh, “agitated is one way to put it.”

“I’ll take that as a no then.”

Phil shrugged, “I’ll get over it, don’t worry.”

At that moment, the bell rang and everyone started scuffling out of the classroom.

“Well, that’s our queue,” Dan said, “I’ll see you around, yeah?”

Phil nodded half heartedly. He didn’t really want to see Dan again. He was nice, sure, but it was just… weird seeing him. It was like when a child’s favorite toy gets ruined and their parents buy them a new one exactly like it to make them feel better. Only it was on a much larger scale and slightly less creepy. The point was he felt like he was replacing Dan, even though he knew he wasn’t.

Phil sighed and grabbed his books off his desk. He decided he may as well head home and hope that the rest of the day passes by quickly. It had been a long day, and all he wanted to do was see his Dan again.

He got out of his chair and started his long walk home, silently hoping it would go by fast.

It didn’t.

By the time Phil got home, he felt like he had been walking for hours and he was heaving for air like the unfit person he was. He had never felt more exhausted from walking back to his house and he was a bit concerned for his health. Though the exhaustion was more mental than it was physical, and it was no surprise that Dan was the reason why. Phil had been thinking about him the entire walk home and by now he would give anything to think of something different. It’s not that he didn’t _want_ to think of Dan, it was just that he wished Dan would stop clouding every waking thought in his mind.

Phil decided some rest might cure his exhaustion, and he figured it might get him some answers too. If he could get answers, he would feel a thousand times better. He didn’t really care what the explanation was, so long as he got one. So he went to sleep- though it wasn’t the easiest thing to do considering his unease, but he managed.

_“Dan, I need to talk to you,” Phil told Dan as soon as he saw him._

_“Hello to you to, sunshine.” Dan grumbled._

_Phil rolled his eyes, “I’m serious, Dan. It’s urgent.”_

_“Then by all means, speak. I’m not stopping you.”_

_“I saw you at school today- well not you_ you, _but he had your name and face and even personality and the resemblance was uncanny and I’m terrified, Dan. I don’t know what to do, I know I said I’d be the happiest person alive if I saw you outside of my dreams, but this is not what I meant by that. Please tell me you know something about this because I’ve been freaking out all day and I-”_

_“Phil, shut up and calm down. I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you need to take a breath and talk slowly, please. Don’t strain yourself.” Dan said sternly yet softly at the same time._

_Phil nodded and took a deep breath._

_“Good. Now start from the beginning,” Dan instructed gingerly._

_“I saw you at school,” Phil stated, “and you didn’t know who I was. It was like my worst nightmare, Dan.”_

_Dan’s eyes flashed with sympathy and… guilt? Phil shook his head, why would he be guilty? Phil assumed he had just read his expression wrong. After all, Phil was extremely exhausted and quite stressed, it would make sense for him to imagine or misread things._

_“Are you sure it was me? Because that can’t be possible, can it? I don’t exist,” Dan said._

_“Yes, I’m sure,” Phil mumbled, “and I know you don’t exist, but there you were, at my school, acting like- well, you,” Phil paused, “What am I supposed to do, Dan?”_

_“I don’t know,” Dan said honestly, “maybe try to be his friend?” He suggested._

_Phil scoffed, “yeah, no. Not gonna happen.”_

_“What? Why not?” Dan asked, seeming almost offended._

_“Because it’s weird and off-putting. It’s like me trying to be friends with your clone or something,” Phil said in mild disgust, “seriously, look at it from my point of view.”_

_“I guess you have a good point, but I’m not sure what else you want me to tell you. I’m not exactly your counselor.” Dan uttered._

_“Yeah, yeah, I know, but you are my friend so that’s gotta count for something, right?”_

_Dan shrugged, “not really.”_

_“Rude,” Phil stated._

_“Don’t ‘rude’ me, I was forced to be your friend. Having to see you night after night without choice, it’s tiring, really.”_

_“Forced? Really? I guess I’ll just stop talking to you then, go back to when I ignored you. How would you like that?”_

_“I’d be very pleased with that actually.”_

_“You really are rude.”_

_“You’re only picking up on that now, Phil? You know, I had more faith in your observation skills.”_

_“Well clearly, you had a bit too much faith.”_

_“Clearly I did.”_

_“Hey, you never know though, I could become a detective or something.”_

_“Not with your skills you’re not.”_

_“Seriously though, I could be Detective Lester or something. It’s got a nice ring to it.”_

_“Sure, whatever you say,_ Detective Lester.”

 _They suddenly burst out laughing at their lame banter, but it made Phil feel infinitely better. This was exactly what he needed after what had happened at school. He felt like everything was back to normal again, and he was content. They both were._   


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a few weeks, but here's an update (I'm sorry it's so short)

Phil had been thinking a lot lately. Ever since Dan showed up at his school his mind hasn't had a break. Phil refused to believe that Dan didn’t know him. Phil was devastated and in denial, but after he talked to dream-Dan, he felt slightly better about it- and honestly, he believed him. He trusted Dan not to lie to him.

That was until the weekend when Phil truly got a break to think everything over. He had been trusting Dan’s explanation and the insane coincident all week, but now he wasn't so sure Dan was telling the truth. When Phil looks back on the conversation he had with dream-Dan, he remembers him being very fidgety and almost guilty looking. Why would he be like that if he didn't have anything to hide? This very question had been bothering Phil for the last couple of hours. That wasn't the only thing though. At school, Phil made it painfully obvious that he didn't want to talk to Dan, and Dan always seemed extremely sadden by this. Why would he be saddened if he didn't even know Phil? Sure, he could be sad because he thought Phil was his friend because of the events that happened on the first day, but surely he would've gotten over it by now.

None of it was adding up. Everything happening made no sense to Phil. He didn't want to ask Dan either- dream or otherwise- in fear of him shutting down and avoiding the subject, or even worse, avoiding him. It must pain school-Dan that Phil is ignoring him, Phil wouldn't even want to imagine what it would be like in his position. It made Phil feel slightly guilty even though he knows it shouldn’t. Phil didn't know him, therefore he shouldn't care. He did though, but it wasn't so much that he cared, but more because it was Dan’s face that was filled with so many hurt emotions. It does raise the question though: If both Dan’s were the same person, what’s keeping him from telling Phil? It would solve so many problems and Phil certainly wouldn't be ignoring Dan at school anymore. If Dan could solve both of their pain, wouldn't he? These exact thoughts were what made him want to believe Dan, but he couldn't.

He just couldn't. But he didn't have much of a choice. He was too afraid to ask Dan about it and too kind to force answers out of him. So that left him with one option, and that was to become close to school-Dan. If they became friends, and both Dan’s were really the same person, then he would eventually slip up and tell Phil the truth. That's the only thing Phil could try without ruining their friendship. At least if his plan failed he’d probably get a new friend out of it.

Let Operation: Figure-Dan-Out (FDO for short) begin.

-

“Hey,” Phil stated simply as if he had said it a million times to Dan before.

“What?” Dan seemed startled and a bit… angry?

“I wanted to apologize,” Phil mumbled, “for- like, ignoring you or whatever.”

“Why would you apologize?” Dan asked, “we’re not friends.” Ouch, that stung.

“Well yeah, I know, but I just thought-” Phil ran his hands through his hair, this was harder than he thought it was going to be.

“You thought what, Phil? That I would be upset that literally the only person who has spoken to me since I got here started ignoring me? Did you think that I would be angry at you because you won’t even look at me? Think that I would be saddened that someone I thought could be my friend started pretending that I don’t exist? Well, I’m not, so get over yourself.”

Phil was not expecting that. He wasn’t expecting complete kindness, but he wasn’t expecting such hostility either. How did Phil become the one at fault anyway? He didn’t actually do anything. He had a conversation with the new kid and then didn’t talk to him again. It’s not like he made any promises that they would actually speak to each other.

“That’s not fair,” Phil said firmly, “don’t make me the bad guy, I did nothing wrong.”

“Excuse me?” Dan spat, “you made it sound like you wanted to be my friend-”

“I did no such thing,” Phil cut him off.

“So what? You were being nice to me was just because you wanted to be?”

“Being kind doesn't warrant a friendship, Dan.”

“Maybe not here, but where I’m from people aren’t nice. People aren’t just kind to me when they feel like it. I never had friends, Phil, let alone have someone actually be nice to me. So excuse me for thinking otherwise,” Dan rambled, his voice breaking on the last sentence.

Phil felt extremely bad now, he didn’t mean to make Dan think of old and bad memories, that was really the last thing he wanted.

“I’m sorry,” Phil muttered softly.

“Yeah whatever, it’s not like you knew,” Dan said, waving him off.

But the thing is, Phil did know. At least, he knew about dream-Dan’s past. Which wasn’t at all good. He had a bad childhood with abusive parents and blackmailing friends. And if Phil’s theory of both Dan’s being the same person was true, then he already knew that Dan was hated by nearly everyone.

“It doesn’t matter, I still shouldn’t of lead you on.”

“You didn’t lead me on, I was just being stupid.”

Phil rolled his eyes, “you weren’t being stupid, you were just following what made sense to you. There’s nothing wrong with that. Besides, I think we got off on the wrong foot anyway.”

“What? With you screaming at me that I was your best friend?” Dan teased.

“Hey,” Phil frowned, “you can’t blame me for that, you look a lot like him.” Exactly like him was what Phil meant, but he didn’t voice it because he thought it would’ve been a bit weird.

“Really?” Dan asked, “and where is this best friend of yours?” His tone still mocking.

Phil’s mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water before he decided to just ignore the question. What was he supposed to say anyway? That he was imaginary? It was true, but the answer just seemed stupid.

“Look, can we just start over or something?” Phil changed the subject.

“What?” Dan scoffed, “like say our names and shake hands?”

“Not like that, I just want us to be friends. Actual friends. And this time without the yelling and ignoring.”

“Alright, on one condition,” Dan said.

“What?” Phil asked.

“I want you to actually apologize for all that yelling and ignoring-”

“I’m sorry,” Phil quickly cut him off.

“Nope,” Dan started, “I want it done the proper way where you’re on your knees begging for forgiveness.”

Phil pretended to think for a moment before answering, “no, you either take the simple I’m sorry or take your cute ass away from here without a friendship,” Phil’s tone was teasing and from the stupid smile on Dan’s face he knew that too.

“Alright,” Dan put his hands up in surrender, “I guess I’ll settle with your half-assed apology for now, Mr. Lester.”

Phil smiled, but he couldn’t help the unwelcome feeling that settled in his stomach.

How did Dan know his last name?


	5. Chapter 5

Contrary to popular belief, weekends weren’t fun. They were uneventful and boring; at least they were to Phil. He didn’t have a job, he didn’t have many hobbies, and he certainly didn’t have any friends to hang out with. All he had was his laptop, some wifi, and the occasional snack. Which was alright for the most part, but sometimes he got bored of the same Tumblr posts, or watching reruns of his favorite shows. Truth is, he sometimes just wanted to do something with his life other than sit around on the couch.

And that’s where Dan came in. Or rather, a text that he sent to Phil (they had decided to exchange numbers earlier in the week after they became actual friends). The text was simple enough, with only three simple words.

_d: wanna hang out? :)_

It was a simple enough question with a simple enough answer… for most people anyway. For Phil however, he couldn’t muster up any kind of response to the question. He had never been asked it before so it was difficult for him to process it, and he knew he was overthinking every aspect of the message, but he couldn’t help it. And what was with the smiley face? Was that normal text behavior?

Phil took a deep breath and tried to get his thoughts in order. Did he want to hang out with Dan? Yes, of course he did. He always wanted to be around Dan, regardless of which one (though he was still very much convinced that they were the same person). He started composing an answer when he suddenly wondered if Dan meant for them to hang out today or maybe he was asking for a later time. Phil deleted the message he had been writing and replaced it with one word instead.

_p: today?_

He had debated to add a smiley face for a good thirty seconds before he sent it, but he eventually decided against it. Phil was at a loss for what to do while he waited for Dan to respond. Luckily for him though, he didn’t have to wait for long because his phone binged almost immediately after he sent the text.

_d: yep_

Before Phil got the chance to answer, his phone binged again.

_d: unless you’re busy?_

_p: no, not at all_

_d: great, where do u want to go?_

Where _did_ he want to go? He assumed Dan would just come over to his house or vice versa, but apparently Dan had something else in mind. Which was perfectly fine with Phil, he needed to get out of the house anyway.

_p: not sure, any suggestions?_

_d: there’s this new ice cream place called Dream Cream or something_

Phil couldn’t help but chuckle at that, Dan was actually inviting him to hang out at an ice cream place; it was oddly cute.

_p: you’re inviting me to an ice cream parlor?_

_d: honestly Phil, who even calls them ‘parlors’ anymore?_

Phil could practically _feel_ the smirk that Dan was probably sporting. And he wanted nothing more than to smack it off his face, and he couldn’t even _see_ him.

_p: shut up_

_d: only if you agree to go_

_p: I thought it was obvious that I already had_

-

When Phil arrived at the ice cream shop, he couldn’t stop his heart from beating a few times faster than normal. He was beyond excited, he was actually hanging out with a friend. _A friend._ Phil knew he shouldn’t have felt as exhilarated as he did, but he couldn’t contain his excitement. He opened the door to the small shop, and a little bell dinged from above him, surely to indicate that someone had entered the shop. He let his gaze wander across the place before his eyes settled on Dan, the very person who caused such emotion and enthusiasm to be pulled from Phil.

“You seem excited,” Dan noted, catching sight of Phil and the very large grin crossing his face.

“I am,” Phil said, “it’s not often I get asked to hang out with my friends.”

“I wasn’t aware you had friends,” despite the rude comment, Dan’s tone was light-hearted.

“I don’t,” Phil chuckled, “but it’s not because I’m an unlikeable person.”

“No?” Dan questioned, “then why is the oh-so great Philip lacking friends?”

“Oh Danny, when you’re someone as great as me, you can’t settle for anyone less than perfect to be your friend,” Phil said.

“Is that so?” Dan asked.

“Yep.”

“So does that make me perfect?”

“What?” Phil spluttered.

“I am your friend, am I not?”

“Of course you’re my friend,” Phil answered.

“Well, you said that you can’t settle for anyone less than perfect as your friend,” Dan stated, “but I’m your friend; so by your definition, I’m perfect.”

Phil shrugged, “I meant what I said and said what meant.”

“Phil Lester, did you just admit that I’m perfect?” Dan asked, bewildered.

There was that stupid word again: Lester. It shouldn’t have been a word in Dan’s vocabulary, but somehow it was. It made Phil uneasy, but he smiled anyway.

“I suppose I did,” Phil uttered, “now are we gonna get ice cream or what?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dan grumbled. “So long as you pay.”

Phil raised his eyebrows and scoffed, “do you know nothing of common courtesy?”

“Nope.”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“Unbelievably perfect, maybe.” Dan was ever gonna let him live that down.

Phil rolled his eyes, “no, just unbelievably annoying.”

“Whatever, let’s just get some ice cream before our playful banter turns into a physical fight.”

Phil chuckled, “yeah, okay.”

They walked up to the counter and came face to face with a seemingly hyper and bubbly girl.

“Are you two finally done arguing like an elderly couple?” She asked.

“I-we-y-you heard that?” Phil asked, yet it certainly wasn’t the first thing he should’ve said to that. He should have said something like, _we weren’t arguing_ or _we aren’t a couple,_ but no, the first thing he said was really his last concern.

“Sweetie, the whole parlor heard that.”

“Ah-ha!” Phil suddenly exclaimed, completely forgetting that he should’ve been embarrassed, “see that, Dan? They _do_ still call them parlors.”

The girl laughed and Dan just rolled his eyes.

“Anyway,” Dan started, “can I get some cookie-dough ice cream in a cone?”

She nodded, turning to Phil, “and for you?”

“Same as him.”

“Alrighty, coming right up.”

After that, the day went by pretty smoothly. They spent the rest of their time together talking about their favorite music and movies, as well as their aspirations and hobbies. It was a variety of different things, really.

And when all was said and done, Phil decided weekends weren’t _that_ bad, especially if he ends up getting free ice cream from them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the slow updates, and I know this chapter is short but I hope this will suffice for now... I'd also like to apologize for the filler chapter, but I felt it necessary to further dnp's relationship without all the drama


	6. Chapter 6

_“-I don’t think I had ever been so happy. I mean, he actually invited me somewhere, can you believe that? No one ever invites me anywhere and it made me feel kinda special, y’know?” Phil paused, noticing that Dan seemed a little lost in thought._

_“Dan?”_

_No answer._

_“Dan?”_

_Nothing._

_“Daniel?”_

_“What?” Dan groaned._

_“Have you heard a single word I’ve said?”_

_“No,” He barked. “Why? Was it important?”_

_“Nope, not at all. My happiness is not at all important.” Phil snarled, what the hell was his deal?_

_“Great.”_

_“Great? All you have to say is ‘great’? What has gotten into you? One day you’re fine and the next you’re this bratty little shit.”_

_“Maybe because all you ever talk about anymore is my fucking look-alike. Dan this. Dan that. Well, what about me? What about the Dan that was here for you first, huh?” He asked bitterly._

_“Are you jealous?” Phil asked flabbergasted._

_“What if I am?”_

_“Then you need to get over yourself.”_

_“What the hell, Phil?”_

_“What?” Phil yelled._

_“What do you mean, ‘what’? You say I’m the bratty one, but have you taken a look at yourself lately?”_

_“You want to know why I won’t shut up about your so called ‘look alike’?” Phil asked._

_“Yes!” Dan screamed, “I would love to know why.”_

_“It’s because I’m trying to prove a point,” Phil’s voice was quieter, but still harsh._

_“And what point would that be?” Dan’s voice also going slightly softer._

_“That-you-are-the-same-person,” Phil mumbled so quietly and quickly that Dan didn’t hear._

_“What?”_

_Phil repeated himself, but louder and clearer. And as soon as he said it (really said it) he realized how ridiculous the idea sounded. He wanted to slap himself in the face. Everything made sense in his mind, but out loud, it sounded so stupid. And Dan clearly thought so as well considering he was laughing like a drunk hyena._

_“Y-y-you wh-ah?” Dan was choking on his laughter, not even able to get one word out._

_“It’s not that funny,” Phil grumbled, his cheeks heating up in embarrassment._

_“Y-yes it i-ss,” Dan had literal tears rimming his eyes, and Phil couldn’t have felt any more humiliated._

_“Please, just shut up,” Phil muttered, but Dan didn’t stop laughing. Phil glared at him and sat in silence for a good few minutes before his laughter finally subsided._

_“Why would you think that?”_

_“How could I not? You both look the same, sound the same, even act the same. Not to mention the fact that he knew my last name, which I never told him,” Phil tried to explain._

_“First off, just because he looks and sounds and acts like me, doesn’t mean he is me-”_

_“-you don’t understand, Dan. He isn’t just_ like _those things, he_ is _those things. He isn’t just like you, he is the perfect spitting image of you,” Phil interrupted._

_“He isn’t me, Phil. No matter what you think or say, he isn’t.” Dan said._

_“Then what about the last name thing?” Phil asked._

_“Your last name, Phil? Really? He could have gotten that a number of ways, perhaps he asked someone, or he could have seen it on a paper, or one of the teachers could have said it. The possibilities are endless.”_

_The more Dan talked, the more sense he seemed to make, and the stupider Phil felt. Phil couldn’t believe he ever thought that they were the same person, the more he thought about it, the less sense it seemed to make. All he was ever going on was the last name thing, and Dan cleared that right up. He felt so utterly ridiculous._

_“I’m sorry,” Phil then said._

_“It’s fine, Phil. It was a little - okay, slightly big - misunderstanding. But these things happen, especially to dorks like you.”_

_Phil smiled, “we good then?”_

_Dan shrugged, “I don’t even remember what we were arguing about.”_

-

The next morning, Phil felt empty. Almost like he didn’t have anything to do with his life anymore. He was so caught up in trying to prove both his friends were the same person that he forgot what he was doing with his life in the first place. So he didn’t feel particularly good. But what was bothering him more than the emptiness he felt, was the fact that he still somehow couldn’t convince himself that they were different people.

Despite everything Dan said, Phil still felt like the were the same person. But Dan wouldn’t lie to him; at least, he never has. Phil shook his head and got up from his bed, he couldn’t allow himself to think such things, especially about his best friend. Phil trusted Dan, and he refused to start doubting his trust just because his instinct was telling him something different.

Phil quickly tried to distract himself from his thoughts by getting ready for school. And it worked, he was ready to leave in record time, he even had time to get breakfast. By the time he was finished eating, he still had a few extra minutes, but he decided to start walking to school anyway. He figured that it was good to be early every once in awhile.

By the time he got to school, he had a full ten minutes to kill which wasn’t considered ‘early’ to most people, but considering Phil barely ever got to school by the time the bell rang, it was definitely early for him. He decided to just chill out in his classroom until school started because he didn’t have anything better to do. The teacher was already at his desk, but he made no mind to Phil, he seemed too busy grading papers or whatever teachers do right before school starts.

As the minutes went by, students started flooding into the classroom, and at eight o'clock the bell rang, signaling the beginning of class. Phil sat quietly in his chair for a good ten minutes, silently doodling in his textbook while the teacher lectured, until he suddenly realized, _where the hell was Dan?_ He was always here early, not once has he been late to a class. But before Phil started panicking, he sent a quick text to Dan asking him where he was. But after another ten minutes passed and no text back, he started to worry.

He started scribbling on the textbook rather than drawing, and he started to subconsciously tap his foot. With each passing minute, his heartbeat got faster, his scribbling rougher, and his tapping became fidgety. He didn’t know why he felt so off-put and nervous. There could be a million different reasons that Dan wasn’t at school, or that he wasn’t answering Phil’s texts. Yet Phil couldn’t help but feel like something was very wrong.

The whole school day went by slowly, and Phil hadn’t gotten a single word from Dan the whole day. He was beyond worried. And as soon as the last bell of the day rang, Phil got home as fast as he could. Dan may have tried to convince Phil that both Dan’s weren’t the same person, but he didn’t believe him, not completely. And if he didn’t hear anything from school-Dan all day, then what about dream-Dan?

With that thought in mind, Phil ran up to his room and tried to fall asleep. Sleep certainly didn’t come as fast as he had hoped, but it did eventually claim him.

_Phil woke up on the familiar platform drowned in the sky of stars, and his eyes darted from corner to corner, but the one he was looking for wasn’t there._

_Dan wasn’t there._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who likes leaving cliff-hangers? I do *innocently smiles*... also, are you proud of my quick update, I know I am :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for taking nearly two months to update this (especially after a cliffhanger)... but rest assured I am still writing this (no matter how long it takes me to update it)

It had been days since Dan disappeared and Phil was going insane. The last time Phil had been this stressed was when Dan showed up in the first place. But that had been a year ago and within that time he managed to get a best friend out of Dan--one that was now gone. And it wasn’t just the Dan in his dreams, it was the real one too; they were both gone. When he first found out that Dan was truly missing, he went through a rollercoaster of emotions. First worry, then anger, some sadness, a bit of guilt, and even a hint of excitement before he finally settled on anxiety and stress.

At first, he thought it was just one big nightmare, but then he remembered he couldn’t really get nightmares. Then he figured he shouldn’t worry about it too much and that Dan would show back up in a few days, but it had been a few days. A few too many. Dan had never once disappeared from his dreams until, well until now. Granted, Dan had never shown up  _outside_ of his dreams either, so past rules and experiences didn’t really apply anymore.

Phil was still very suspicious of both Dan’s and the likelihood of them being the same person. And honestly, now that they have disappeared, he was even more suspicious. He had almost no doubt that they were both  _Dan,_ though he still didn't have any solid proof. Phil wasn't sure if he wanted them to be the same person or not, on one hand it would make things easier and clearer, but on the other it would make things more complicated. It was a very conflicted situation. And what if they  _were_ the same person? What would that mean? Would that mean Dan really exists or that he never existed at all? It was confusing and complex, Phil didn't really want to think about it anymore.

What he  _did_ want to think about, however, was where the fuck Dan had gone. Phil had waited about long enough and it wouldn't be much longer until he went insane. But now he just needed a plan to start looking for him, so why not start in the place that seemed most logical to look: at school.

-

The night had gone slowly and Phil got very little sleep, not that anything (or rather anyone) was in his dreams. But when the morning did finally come, he practically rejoiced and he was out the door by six--even though he didn't normally leave until nearly an hour later. But despite the extremely early start, he felt like it was much later than any other morning.

When Phil arrived at school he immediately headed to the principal’s office. He needed to see if the principal knew where Dan had been - whether he be sick or on vacation or just disappeared - Phil figured that through the school’s system would be the best way to find Dan.

Phil walked up to the too fancy stained glass door that lead into the office and gave it a firm knock. When no one answered, he knocked again. Still nothing. So Phil tried the doorknob and was surprised to see that it was unlocked. He peeked inside the room and took quick note of its emptiness.

Phil bit his lip and wondered if he should just go in and find Dan’s file himself. After a few moments and not-so-careful consideration, he figured that he'd waited long enough and didn't have time for the principal to show up. Besides, it wasn't like he was snooping around for test answers or something, he was just on a simple mission to find out where his friend had been, nothing more.

Phil took a deep breath and wandered into the room. He looked around for a moment and figured his best bet would be the laptop sitting atop the sleek wooden desk. He walked over to the desk (he felt like he was walking on eggshells, despite him believing that he wasn't doing anything wrong) and opened the laptop. The screen turned on and Phil clicked a few times to get to the desktop and was surprised that it wasn't password protected. An unlocked door, no password, the principal was practically  _inviting_ people to break into her office.

Phil's eyes wandered over the several folders on the desktop before they reached one labeled “Students”. He clicked on it and a very large list of folders with student’s names on each appeared. Thank god for the invention of search engines.

Phil quickly searched “Daniel Howell” and was confused when nothing appeared. He switched “Daniel” with “Dan”, but still nothing happened. He supposed Dan was still a fairly new student, but he thought they would've had him in the school’s system by now.

“What on  _earth_  are you doing?”

Phil nearly jumped a mile in the air when he heard the voice of his principal.

“I can explain, Ma’am, I promise,” Phil said immediately without thinking.

“Then please do,” she said bewildered.

Phil had absolutely no explanation. “Well,” he started, but didn't have anything to finish it with.

The principal waited for about a full minute before speaking up. “Philip, dear, you're one of my better students and you are the last person I would ever think to find snooping around here. And with that being said, I'm sure you have an excellent reason to be in my office at such ridiculous hours in the morning  _without my permission_. If you would like to explain those reasons, I'd be happy to hear them-possibly even to help. And if I find it a suitable enough reason I will refrain from calling your mother and giving you a possible suspension. So, may I ask, what are you doing in my office?”

Phil didn't think he had ever heard her talk so much without breaking, but she was a fairly nice lady so he supposed telling her the truth wouldn't hurt him. “Well, I was looking for information on a student - a friend - he's been absent for the last few days and I wanted to know why. I know I should've waited for you to show up but it was eating away at me. I apologize,” Phil said, sweetening his voice to make him seem as innocent as possible.

She sighed. “And what is this friend’s name?”

“Dan,” Phil answered quickly. “Dan Howell.”

The principal let out a tired huff. “Phil, there's never been a Dan Howell at this school.”

_What?_

-

The moment Phil got home he practically ran to his laptop. School had been a flop - sort of, maybe, he wasn't sure - and it's not like Dan would magically appear back in his dreams (or at school), so his last option was the internet. It was a long-shot, but he didn't have anything else to go on.

He flipped open his laptop and quickly typed in the password before opening his browser. He typed “Daniel Howell” into the search bar. He debated on the search for a moment before adding “London” after it, he figured there was a lot of  _Dan Howell’s_ in the world, but how many were there in London? Once everything was typed out, Phil paused. His finger hovered over the  _enter_ button while the cursor blinked obnoxiously at him. What if he did find something? What if Dan was more than just some made-up guy? What then? Phil sighed and closed his eyes tight before pressing enter.  _He was about to find out._

At first, nothing but some Facebook and Twitter profiles showed up, it wasn't particularly interesting, nor what he was looking for. But then he kept scrolling, and scrolling, and scrolling before he found this article about a boy. Phil didn't think much about it at first, but then he clicked on the link. A picture showed up, it was fuzzy and grayscale, but what was in the image was clear enough: it was Dan.

Phil's heart skipped a beat as he scrolled down to the article. He read over it quickly and he almost couldn't breathe.  _“Dan Howell, 20, drowned in a lake on Saturday.”_ So Phil’s best friend was some dead guy. That was fine.

Everything was fine.

But it wasn't, Phil could barely keep it together. And then he read what the year was, Phil’s breath hitched, it had happened nearly 25 years ago.

Phil couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't comprehend what the hell was going on. The only thing that was going through his mind was:  _ask the culprit._

He didn't care that Dan had been on strike, he was going to find him. He didn't care what lengths he had to go through to do it.

With a newfound purpose for finding Dan, he decided that the best place to look was where he first met him. In his mind, or rather, in his dreams. So Phil slept, and surprisingly, it wasn't as hard as he thought it would be.

-

_The clouds floated around him and the stars twinkled brighter than he remembered. The atmosphere was somehow different, but Phil didn't care at the moment, all he cared about was getting Dan's attention. He was starting to think that Dan left because he wanted to, not because he was forced._

_So Phil yelled and screamed and tried his best to get Dan’s attention. And oddly enough, it worked._

_“So you figured it out, huh?” Phil whirled around and found Dan standing behind him. His eyes were somehow sad and dimmer than normal, so was his voice._

_“Yeah, I did,” Phil said bitterly, but his tone (much like Dan's), was somehow sad._


End file.
